Angry

Dear God,

The devil is watching right now so I can't be completely honest as I'd truly desire, but I've been asking you to take my life for my whole teenagehood. For some reason you've refused to answer my pleas and it's not fair.

Life is too hard, like everything hence I don't value it. I don't see the point if the bad times outweigh good. Maybe there's something wrong with my mind, something I can't visualise that makes everyone around me so happy to wake up each day? If so, show me. Please show me why it's worth it. I should be grateful, there are those worse off, but there are those better off too.

You better have good things in store.
You better:

Make me sooo rich that I can buy anything I want for me and my family.
Make me so happy I could explode

Give me a handsome husband with a mind and body as beautiful as his was
Give me 4-8 perfect girls and boys, evenly divided, that love each other dearly
Give me proactive, reliable friends to love (,love me more) and achieve greatness with
Give me all the pets I want

Grant my family with old age, insane joy and awesome health
Fulfil my deepest desires

That's really all. However you'll get me there, I guess I don't care, just keep me going and promise, PROMISE you'll do so. I don't my suffering to be in vain. You allowed him to drink which forced me to let him go. I regret it but I can't turn back time. Please do these for me. You keep reaching out to me and I can only ignore you for so long. Help me to want you as much as I want everything. Help me to want life, or else I'll waste too much time wishing I died and I'm too scared to do that. I love me, I am so beautiful, creative, loving, strong willed but feeling that way about myself doesn't mean that things don't overwhelm me. In those moments, give me the strength.

Please!